Self-Care Toolkit: #7 - Show yourself Compassion and Forgiveness
Jordan Peterson in his book “12 rules for life” sums compassion and forgiveness up perfectly to me with his 2nd rule, “Treat yourself like you are someone you are responsible for helping." Too often our concerns come second place to our family, friends and even colleagues. We move down avenues because we think it’s the right thing to do, even when we find out it is not; we continue because we don’t want to let someone down resulting in our welfare lacking the required priorty it deserves. So it goes that another person’s needs whether its family or a friend is more important to take care of, even if it’s draining energy and impacting health.
We’ve heard the phrase, “If you are not feeling your best, how can you give of your best?” You see, helping your child or sick friend with anything they need is always a no brainer but why is it not always easy to do similar for yourself? Compassion is not just a one-way street so conversely asking are you in for some well overdue “me time” is the two-way street to frequently travel. You can’t look after others if you don't look in on yourself first. If you notice that you often beat yourself up if you don't perform as you would like whether in a work situation, with family or in a social/hobby setting. Then start to notice also that you are your biggest critic and your worries go unnoticed by others and no one is judging you to your impossible standards. Show yourself compassion, tell yourself its okay and no one is perfect. Do this and feel an ease and positive alignment release in your body.
The forgiveness piece is so powerful and by uttering “I’m only human, yes, I could have done better or more, but I will try again next time” will lift any negative clouds and unveil a way forward to be your unique true-self again. You can’t move on positively if you don’t forgive and that goes for all situations in life. So release it, surrender and tell yourself its okay. All that positivity that comes with caring and helping others, that you might have not picked up on in your haze of worrying and overly looking after others, will now give you a happy lift of spirit and positivity.
Building and practicing a mindset to look at circumstances in a positive way, to give yourself a break, is no easy task and I don’t take this flippantly. I don’t for one minute think we can always produce a flatline response to any situation off the bat and prevent beating ourselves up--———it is a lifelong pursuit for most. But take heart, there are people out there who found themselves in very trying situations that brought them to their knees questioning their very existence but somehow saw the situation from another perspective because they had compassion and forgiveness for themselves and could move on positively. You probably know some of these people too.
What can you start with today that might help? In most circumstances, you could affirm along the lines of, “It's not my fault, these things happen. I will do what I can and my best but knowing they/I will bounce back from this soon”.
Being aware in the moment when you are hazy and stressed out that you need a mindful moment, to stop for a compassion and forgiveness break, can be difficult. If you create a list of inquiry questions on stand-by then it might make it easier. Here are a few examples:
What is really going on right now? Am I stopping to breathe and take in the balcony view?
How can I see the positives from this?
In what condition mentally and physically do I need to be in--———to be the best for the people I care about?
I know I can do better and next time I will try X or Y but for now it is as it is
What can I do to continue on the path I want in the meantime?
Who can I confide in, talk openly and with no judgement about this?
There can be a world of people more than happy to call you out and make judgements on what you do. Best not to add to their ranks berating yourself unless its with compassion and forgiveness. These people do this because they are also hard on themselves, they can't help it or don't see it and need their own helping of Compassion and Forgiveness.
