Making a change! What works for you?
So many people hire a coach, mentor, professional, etc., because they need help with a problem, but many don’t solve the problem. The secret first lies with the receiver and are they ready to be open to new understanding and make changes to overcome their challenges. A big must from the helper is to make it safe and help break through the stories that concrete the mindset so a desire to change can grow. Once the Kango hammer has broken through hardened mindsets then the change can begin.
If I don’t know what I want, but I know or feel within me a change is needed (I’ve broken up the concrete), this is the approach I take:
Talk about it: I can do values and purpose exercises until I’m blue in the face but unless I start to talk it out, and have someone to quiz me, I don’t move onto the next step.
Listen to yourself: The first thing I do unconsciously is listen to my head and it tells me what the right thing to do is or the most advantageous in its mind. Or more the point, tells me the safest thing to do, least path of change and scariness. I need to work hard to listen to my body, what feelings I have in my gut, my heart and chest area and any other place that is giving me a clue of what I might really want. We make decisions after all with data and emotion and not one alone. So, if you try to make a decision with the head only, you won’t hit on real change and similarly if you make a decision with emotions/body only.
That scariest thing is usually the right thing: But it's only scary to your head and logic, but it feels great in your body, your gut, your heart etc. It's always been a good indication to me when the heart says yes but the head says no, that I’m moving to do something that is aligned with my being, who I am. It is a difficult road but the destination will be beautiful.
Now that I know what path I want to go down or at least decided on a way to proceed, how do I manage to move on? Here are my steps. I don’t always have to do them all, for example I might skip “inquiry” or “read up on it” depending on the challenge, but in general this is what works for me:
I ask myself the “How can I?” question(s) or also known as inquiry questions. So, “How can I take up a healthier eating lifestyle and enjoy the process of doing so?”.
I ruminate on what I want to do, ruminate more on the “how can I?” questions and I let my subconscious take over working it out.
I then set a date for starting in my head. It's not definite but starts to acclimatize me to a real starting point. I give myself enough time in-between to continue familiarizing with the idea and build desire.
I will start to read up on things, get more information and all leading to working out how I want to proceed, to create a plan so I can start well.
I test my motivation as I go and see how close I am to having real desire to take this on. So how is my B+B (Believe + Belief) that the challenge is worthwhile and that I can do it?
I work on a new routine to help build new habits so the work starts and continues as best possible. I do this before the work starts so I start well.
I tell someone I am starting a new challenge. I agree with my partner in action, that someone to talk to about progress and to have a shoulder to rely on when things get tough.
I now confirm or set a date for things to kick off for real. I have a plan; I have routines that I hope will form new habits with support from my partner in Action.
I start, I make changes and practice the new change. If I am to be successful, I need to realise that I need to start changing what I’ve done in the past, no matter how hard, so I can get a new and different result now and in the future.
I show progress, I talk to my partner in action and I make changes to my routines to keep building habits and progress. I have to keep building and maintaining my desire to really want this change as the mindset and passion I first made the decision can dilute overtime.
Yours in change,
