“The goals I set for myself, my values, how I react to life are determined by who I think I am, not who I actually am.” A powerful quote that tells us that it is plainly important to set goals, backed up with your values and a positive mindset, but it is equally important to align them to who you are becoming or want to become and not how you see yourself today, at this moment.  

But who am I really and what if I do not like who I am or am frustrated that my ambitions are not moving the way I want them to? I sometimes have a feeling deep down that a new me is searching for an exit, scratching, and etching away at the rock trying to break free? Am I able to change this situation, find the “who I think I am” and release the feelings of deep desire and frustration? 

How we act, feel, and think every day is carved into stone deep down inside our beings. A dictate scored into the rock commanding our way in the world, insisting that we must act out the orders even if we do not like what we hear or how it makes us feel. Everything we do refers and defers to the rules, but it can feel like our authentic self is trapped deeper in the bedrock, reverberating a power, a wave of invisible pain beating against the carvings and desperately trying to wear the writing away. Not trying to rewrite the words, but to obliterate them from the rock as even nothing in their place would be more peaceful than the existence now. But our unconscious mind knows if that wonderful thing did happen, new and probably strangely familiar words would be written in their place, and they would be the works that will set us free. 

Is all this a bit theatrical? Perhaps but the sentiments and feelings ring true for most of us at some level and at some time in our lives. There is always something we would like to do, but do not and not always a good reason for our inaction apart from some invisible force stopping us. When we want to take on something to grow our careers or enrich life's plan, the engraved words bind us to who we are and will let us know if that something is possible or not. When we leave the house, the carvings tell us how to walk, head up or head down, chest out or sunken, smiling at the world or drawn and skeptical or cynical. When we meet people, the commands tell us how to interact or avoid and when we are amongst the crowd and need to keep our power and stick up for ourselves, show what we can do, the words will voodoo us to its will no matter what we would love to do right there, in the moment. Sometimes we get the strength to resist the force, but the pressure is never-ending, and it is so hard to keep protecting your will so most eventually stop and fall back in line especially if we do not have a process and support. 

How can you have real peace with yourself if this is how it continuously goes? The regret like bile chocks you, panicking now that you might leave this life with your shadow-self trapped in the bedrock whispering sad anguish to the earth above that no one will ever hear.  

I know, again with the melodrama. But can we really change? I mean really change our character and leave our engrained traits behind? Focus on what we want to become, believe, and behave like the new you and work to get there? An introvert will not change into an extravert but can acquire skills with consistent effort to overcome extravert type challenges and thereon continue to use that skill, but they will still reflect in quiet solitude to recharge rather than spend hours talking and socialising. I do not believe we can change our character completely, but we can grow it, add to it, and let our authentic strengths be the spear tip for our flight path in the world.  

They say there are only two ways to break out of a situation like this; Something catastrophic occurs and so intense and earth shattering that the rock crumbles and a switch is flipped, or you attack the problem with a consistency and purpose, relentless in your pursuit, almost brainwashing yourself into seeing and walking the new you. There could be a third way, accept it and find some way to be happy to leave your authentic self in the earth and be grateful with how you are in the world. If that means the pain leaves too then it is a good approach, but for some the pain is there telling you and reminding you that something else is waiting for you, why you were put on this earth and what you were meant to do, so needs to be taken up, with courage and a leap of faith.  

Let us not lose hope and realise the answers to our problems are usually the simplest ones and right in front of us:  

• Follow your pain, sit back, and notice how you are feeling in your body, where you feel it and what it is trying to tell you. This might seem too abstract so try Steven Pressfield's approach, listen for, and feel the resistance. What is that thing you know you should be doing but you will not do it? Or you start and always back out? That is the thing you need to go after and unleash.  

• Do not do this alone, talk it out with someone to understand what is down there needing to get out so your ambitions can become real. 

• Find the desire to want to take on the work to make a change. Without real desire you will fall into a stop and start rollercoaster. Sometimes you cannot make desire take hold and it is your time or it is not.  

• Then with powerful desire the next 2 points are especially important.  

1. A belief and commitment to see the new you in you every day. As Declan Coyle would say “The you you see is the you you’ll be” 

2. A desire to follow a process and do the work for change every day, even when you do not want to. 

Depending on the pain, challenge, or goal it could be a long road, but remember resistance to your change will be futile as you apply the law of “cause and effect” and do the work every day. 

I am on the path to releasing my authentic self, I will not lie and say I am there, but I am visualizing the new me and I am doing the work every day. Every day I am a day closer and as a week goes by, then a month, then a year I am now reaching out to grab it. The years pass fast so do not end living with regret, make progress, start those two things now.  

Yours in remembering time,