Time may change me but I can’t change time

This is a picture of my watch I got for my 40th birthday. It was expensive and the reason being, because I will eventually have it engraved with something personal for my first-born son and pass it to him so he has a keepsake from me when I’m gone, one that will last. The plan is to get another for my 50th and finally 60th and pass it to my other sons.

Yes, I said when I am gone and as I write this now it's a bit surreal because we don’t like to talk about that subject especially when we feel good and are thinking of living for a long time yet. But we will die and this last year should have brought us closer to that reality. For some yes, for sure, but for most we’re still ignoring this truth. Why is this? Perhaps because when our time does come there is not much we can do about it so we’ll deal with it then. Or we’re just ignoring it, pushing it aside like an old chair we place in the corner of a dark room that we know we’ll never want to use but can’t throw away.   

The one thing we’re all rich with and in equal amounts is time. Time is all we really have and although finite we have an idea of how long we hope to live, give or take a few factors, lucky or unlucky. But what has this to do with my watch?  

I took my watch off over the last year and half or so and put it away in a drawer. I am not sure why but at a conscious level I wanted to wear one of those smart watches that are all the rage to check up on my daily steps, heart rate and blood pressure and I guess a lot fancier features I have no real need of. However, I took my watch off well before I got a smart watch so I don’t think that was the real reason. I’m thinking it's more likely to do with not liking my story over the past decade and the watch being a symbol for that with its kinetic power coming from me, giving it energy that wasn’t always positive. I’ve had some great times and memories with family, friends and work over the decade but it's all too easy to remember the times that were not fun, when I was in pain and those memories so easily extend over me like an umbrella bouncing the good ones to the ground.    

My world seemed to get harder when I turned 40, the work responsibility ramped up, I had more responsibility at home too but I lost confidence instead of gaining it, I didn’t build on my experience to help me be happier with who I was, I was ignoring things and feelings that were bothering me instead of working through them, just like they were an old chair in the corner I didn’t want to acknowledge. The watch was the one thing that was constant in all that time, every second for the good and bad times and perhaps I didn’t want a symbol to remind me of that. Before I took the watch off for good, I remember at night preparing for bed and sometimes feeling a compelling need to get the watch off my wrist as fast as I could. It was a very strange sensation and I felt at ease when it was off.   

But recently I put the watch back on and I don’t have a good answer on why I did that, I just felt the need to do it as if I’ve made peace with something, with myself, who I am and where I am going. It made me stop to think hard why it was important to put the watch back on again? Firstly, why would my son want to wear a watch that I didn’t want, stuck in a drawer because I felt it symbolized a decade that I was at odds with? Why put that superstitious stigma into his world? But it needs to be looked on as a gift that is full of precious experiences and it has ticked away in all the good and hard times and should be willingly passed along with the experiences as the gift with the sentiment of love.   

Secondly, I recently went to talk on personal branding and the watch came up as an important item to wear as it shows that you think your time and others’ is important and it reminded me, we don’t have all the time in the world unlike the song says and I need to use it wisely and be constantly reminded of that. Not just for life but when in meetings with a client to remember it is important to use the time wisely for them in that space. The watch is heavy and I notice it on my wrist more often compared to a smart watch so it helps me remember thinking of time.  

And yes, the watch is back on, it's important its back on because thirdly I am breaking through old paradigms, leaving the fear behind, I’ve followed the pain to something authentic and am enjoying what I do, I enjoy the simple pleasures more now than ever surrounded by my thriving family and friends. The watch contains the energy of my past experiences good and bad, everything that has made me and will make me. I need to make up for lost time when it was sitting in the drawer and get the most out of it and into it before it is time to put it away with no regrets for the newer arrival.   

So yes, it's back on my wrist and I love the familiar weight and even with all its scrapes and scuffs I know so well, it still looks timeless. I don’t have to charge it every other day like the smart watch and it doesn’t check my heart rate or tell me how much I’ve slept or make me anxious about my heart rate and lack of sleep. It only stays with me, with a faint ticking and reminds me of time. 

And as David Bowe said “Time may change me, but I can’t change time” so all we can do is use the precious time we have in the best way for us. Where to start? Someone said to me five years ago that “if it makes you happy it's not a waste of time”. So perhaps start there if you need a kick start.

Yours in remembering time,