Will it matter in five years time?
Way back in a time and seems but a dream now, I remember listening to Ian Dempsey Breakfast Show on Today FM where some caller dude was looking to change something up in his life. I don't recall the context but I do remember Ian saying "will it matter in 5 years from now?" The guy said "probably not" and Ian poured forth praised positivity as only a DJ can, and all was good in the world. This phrase has always stayed with me and moved up to my consciousness now and again but it hit me like a hammer when I came across a piece of paper recently titled "Goals, Wants and Dreams" while clearing a space for my home office. After a quick scan of the first few bullets I thought it was a recent list but as I went down through it, I noticed bullet 10; "Knock wall down in kitchen". Wow! This was not a recent list at all as I knocked down that wall five years ago, in September 2015.
I've been doing a list like this every year since 2006 when a fellow Toastmaster, Sheila, outlined the process in one of our meetings. Most of the items are fairly typical for any New Year's resolution list but there are two specific ones that if I didn't do would indeed matter in five years' time. Can you spot them? (excuse the writing, it was New Year’s eve after all)
You probably guessed right, Bullet 2, "Deal with my confidence once and for all" and bullet 8, "Settle on a career that I will be happy getting up every day and doing". Did I succeed with item 2 and 8? No I did not and did it matter 5 years later? Damn right it did and one is still on my current list leaving anxiety and stress bodies in their wake. So, while I was taking action and making a list, 2 & 8 are big rocks, hard to break and could have negative consequences, not least a lot of broken tools along the way if not managed.
If I knew then what I do now, I would have written items 2 and 8 differently and correctly, as revised below. So that when I started, I would be heading in the right direction with a better chance of success. As they say "start the first 15% well and the remaining 85% will follow."
2. Goal Desire: Deal with my social anxiety and shyness once and for all. Accept who I am or have the courage to change. (old way it was written was “Deal with my confidence once and for all”)
Benefit: Opens up more avenues in life and in career, leading to greater performance and more enjoyment while doing so willingly with a positive outlook.
What do I not want? (emotions)
To be afraid
To not be able to say what I feel in a group
To worry about making a phone call
To be nervous in social situations
To be afraid to bring back a broken purchase
To worry about what people think of me
What do I want? (Emotions)
etc. etc.
Test Motivation and Target slack
Link back to the Goal and ensure this it's still holds a big desire to do. Also knowing that plans don’t go to plan have a think about what slack you can afford to give yourself as you progress but still hit the target.
8. Examine my Values and Beliefs, what am I passionate about, what are my strengths, Find out what type might align to my values and beliefs and give me more purpose in life. (old way written was “Settle on a career I would be happy getting up everyday and doing”)
Benefit: Look forward to everyday and not just the weekends. To be excited about what can be achieved and willingly to work without feeling it's a chore. Avoid work related mental health issues and unhappiness.
What do I not want? (Emotions)
Stress and anxiety and keeping it bottled up to myself
Bad sleep, waking up worrying every day
Avoiding situations because I am afraid
Dreading meetings and meetings and more meetings
Monotony of updating one year, two year, five years plans that change every month
No passion towards my work and no fun
What do I want? (Emotions)
etc. etc.
Test Motivation and Target slack
As above
How we write the top-level goal is so important. Here are some rules (just so happens to be 10 today) I like to follow:
Yes, create a list. If it's written down the likelihood of completion increases by 40%
Ensure you write what you want correctly! After deeper thought and examination my lack of confidence stemmed from my lifelong social anxiety and shyness. Not because I didn't have confidence as I was confident doing a lot of things outside that context. So take the time to really think about it and ensure it's the correct Desired Goal.
As with any goal the benefit of achieving it needs to make so much sense and motivate you to take further action.
Attach emotional context to the goal and in the form of what you don't want first, helps bring that out. Then write down “what you do want”. Get those emotions and feelings down in ink so when you read the list again you feel why you are doing it and why it's important.
Test your motivation and link back to the Goal desire again and ensure it's the correct goal for you. While knowing that plans don’t go to plan, have a think about what your Target slack you can afford to give yourself as you progress but still get success. The Action Framework has tools to test your motivation.
Ask, will this matter in 5 years' time? It might sound corny but time flies by quickly and there is nothing worse than regret. God damn regret as per the movie Magnolia, as a regret means it's gone forever and you're always sore about it.
Prioritize the list. My list had 13 items and looked like I was about to add a 14th until I probably got distracted pouring another glass of wine. Items 2 and 8 were the most important and should have been 1 and 2.
Get the list visible. My list was misplaced, obviously as if I had been following the process it would not have existed. I would have ripped it up while I celebrated what was achieved, was compassionate about what I didn't do and made my new list for the next year.
Tell someone about the list. Having a partner in Action shoots success of achieving your goal from 40% to a whopping 90%. We all need help to get to the top, so ask for it and let the universe conspire to help you.
The original list was Goals, Wants and Dreams. They don't have to be all big rocks and I suggest you have smaller ones in there because it's good to get into a habit of success. Completing the lower priority items is still building muscle memory and getting the feeling of success as you tackle the big rocks.
Once you are happy with your top-level list you can then take each goal in turn and add your SMART + All-Heart tasks so you can move into Action Time and get them done.
Yours in focus,