My youngest boy loves his Hurling games and on occasion has a tendency to give his power away. What are you talking about I hear you say? Well, it goes like this. He’s in the middle of the pitch fighting hard to get the ball with all the other kids. The referee blows the whistle and gives a free against him. Of course, he is not too happy, hands go up in the air and the head goes down. He now goes even harder into his tackles and fouls deliberately and the ref blows the whistle again. He is getting more annoyed, losing more of his composure and power but now the other team perks up to this and starts to find ways to also take his power away. You can guess he doesn’t perform to his potential.  

During half time I speak to him and say “I’m observing you are giving your power away to the other team today, what do you think is going on?” He looks at me as if I have 4 heads, not just the 2. I say “every time you get annoyed and feel hard done by about something, you are giving a bit of your power away, your positive energy, the stuff that makes you feel good, happy and to perform well. Do you think that could be true?” he replies angrily “But they’re playing dirty and fouling off the ball”. It can be hard to coach/mentor kids, especially your own, as questions can be followed by blurb of injustice and a wall of silence and no exception here. But I saw in his eyes as he looked to a far-off place that he was thinking about it. If you’re caught up in thoughts of unfairness and anger (I guess ego is another good word for it), how well are you focusing on the game and the job you need to do? In the second half he decided to keep his fair share of the power and take some of it back he lost and a bit more besides. When the match was over he was happy coming off the pitch and it was all his doing or I mean his thinking. 

Have you ever been worried or anxious about a situation or a meeting and instead of radiating your power and sharing it you do the opposite and clam up, hold onto it for dear life? As the meeting progresses you feel it slipping away because you can’t speak up, give your views on something with the many louder voices in the room? Or you do get your speak in but your idea is put down by another with a bigger agenda? Or worse still you want to get your point across, there is fair opportunity but you just can’t do it. These situations can feel like a competition with the same butterflies, finding it hard to concentrate and you’re gasping for your fair share of the oxygen as the prize. Resulting in your power slowly leaking away or you just give it up. Now that the episode or meeting is over, you feel angry, this is not how you wanted it to go, frustration increases, positivity decreases and your performance wanes as the belief in yourself sneaks out the back door when no one is looking.  

This doesn’t only happen in work situations but everyday situations too for example like eating out in a restaurant, remember those places? You might not be happy about the food or service but you don’t say it, you want to but don’t and you give your power away.  

In my journals over the years, I would have an entry for “Today's Take-backs”. I would try come up with a least two instances where I took the power back or more importantly didn’t give it away that day. The secret to managing your Take-backs is being deliberate and building your habit and confidence up so you get on the ladder of learning to keep your power. For example, if you are going into a situation where you have to mingle with a lot of people you don’t know and are not comfortable with, then please don’t go into that space without a deliberate plan and hope it will go well, it won’t. Just like if you got hit with an anxiety attack, it's too late when it's all over you, your power is leaking away by the second and all you can do is baton the hatches and try get through it with your self-care practices. Same in a work situation you need to help yourself be ready. I’m not talking about an elaborate plan just a few intentions and deliberate actions. Consider this, when having to mingle with a new crowd with work or otherwise, you can plan a few tasks to help break the ice and give yourself the opportunity to enjoy it: 

1. Smile and smile at someone if they catch your eye and say hello at least once.  

2. You will, at least once, introduce yourself to a few friendly faces in a small group or someone on their own and ask how they are doing.  

That’s it, no need to plan anymore, if you get 1 & 2 done, you're in great shape and give yourself a well done. Similarly in a work and meeting situation, you decide what is the one thing you need to get across or get out of the event, what will you need to do for this to happen? Agree it with yourself and you manage its execution. If your belief is low, it has to be built back up again with action, it's not going to come back all on its own.   

It's interesting that we all do this from time to time, even the top performers. Take Ronaldo who plays for the Portugal International soccer team and his recent walk off the pitch when his perfectly legitimate goal was disallowed. Did he give his power away at that time? Was there another alternative reaction to keep and increase his power? 

Yours in take-backs,