Twenty minutes to go until my call, I gotta be quick, swallow the last of my tea, and get upstairs for a little final prep. I gulp the tea down, put the cup into the dishwasher and head for the kitchen door. Stepping through I heard a clatter from behind, the sound of a plate and cutlery dumped into the sink followed by quick steps moving back to the TV room. Who was that? I double back and see it was my number 3 son, I automatically shout, “Oi, what did I tell you about leaving your dirty stuff in the sink? Put it in the dishwasher”. My tone most definitely wasn’t considerate and open for a two-way conversation, no way, I wanted it done, as I demanded so many times before.

And as on so many occasions following these spats, I got annoyed, and a little mad, as I monologue with myself striding up the stairs to my office, “Does he think we’ve nothing better to do? How many times do I need to tell him, the nerve, etc., etc., etc.”. I sat at my desk and looked at the screen trying to calm down but was mentally distracted as I desperately tried to get ‘back live’ for a call.

It came to me suddenly while I stared blankly at the screen. I was thinking and acting like an ass? How can a thing like tidying away dirty plates be a constant torment for everyone? What would a top-class coach do I thought? It was easy, anything but what I was doing and I should know better, I was trained better than this, I was acting like a part-time coach!

How can I give everything to my clients if I get wound up like this and can’t find a better way to work with my son on his dirty plate tipping? I know the answer to this rhetorical question, it's through listening, questioning, accepting, understating and being positive. Oh, wait a minute this is exactly what a coach should be doing! But it looks like I’m only turning it on when it suits me and when I sit in front of the screen. In fact, the phrase “turning it on” gave me a jolt of reality. What am I, a fake coach? I need to be living, breathing and practicing day in day out so I improve to give and get the best from people. I realized this has happened before, that I’d lost my self-awareness of this situation or was I ever aware of it? It was time to sit down and have a hard look at me. If I was to continue to Coach, I needed to be all in, all the time, for everyone.

A few days later before I began another day in blissful lock-down (I hope you get the sarcasm here), I sat down with a blank piece of paper and wrote in the middle of the page “Becoming a Coach 24/7” and got into the process of brainstorming to solve this. In twenty minutes, I was done and created the 10 rules to live by as a Coach. This is my list. There are many like it but this one is mine. My rules for coaching will be my best friend, they will be my life. I must master them as I master my life... you get what I am saying here, and taken from the movie "Full Metal Jacket", no? Watch the movie it's a good one.

1. Stop over thinking and speaking in a criticizing way
   My years in the high-tech industry improving the process, innovating, making things better has honed my talent for thinking critically but I’ve gone overboard into criticism and it can flow into all areas of life. Thinking in a criticizing way is the first step into judging people, quickly followed by saying criticizing things. A coach needs to want to understand the differences, value differences and most importantly leave the coach’s opinion in the sink with the dirty plates.

2. Start deliberately practicing positivity, all the time
   When has being negative ever helped anyone not least yourself? When has negativity opened up new learning and thinking, when has it forgiven and helped move you or others on? Never, I say NEVER sir. But being positive, well now, that opens up so many doors, conversations and mindsets. When things get bad and they always do, a positive demeanor will always help bounce you back to scoring three pointers.

3. Start practicing listening at every opportunity
   Listening is not just for the coaching session. It should be for every minute of the waking day and to whomever you meet. I believe you're only a good listener if you are born that way or you get training and you work your backside off to become good at it. Make no mistake it will be a never-ending fight with your ego but a coach has to take it on.

4. Start asking questions all the time with family, friends and strangers
   Every conversation is an opportunity to coach, so it's good to ask questions. You never know when an innocent "how are you doing?” to your neighbour or to your bus stop companion can turn into an experience to help someone. I should stop putting my head down, averting my eyes, and being too busy when I race to the next stop on my journey. I need to take in the view and the conversations along the way.

5. Start living an abundant mindset
   Sharing, collaborating and giving freely should be a pillar the coach builds their worth on. When I get a feeling to be competitive and to keep information, I know instantly that I'm not living with an abundant mindset. I need to remember that it's not how much money you earn or what you have that matters when all is said and done. It's how many people you’ve helped along the way that counts.

6. Start viewing all people as resourceful and unique
   As a coach you bring a mindset of being one with the coachee, on their side, confident they can be successful and not fall into rule #7’s trap. This thinking should be for everyone you meet whether they want to be coached or not. 

7. Stop being judgmental
   Book by its cover and all! The upside to rule #7 is you will stop making assumptions and not just in a coaching session, with everyone. Being judgmental brings a criticizing mindset to your thinking and, please holy God no, in what you might say.  Better to ask a question, right? I’m being rhetorical, ask the question.

8. Work hard to be a good coach
   Like any profession I need to learn, grow and evolve and this will only happen if I love it, live it, learn it and do it. This will be hard especially when I have low energy and things seem repetitive. But I will look to my vision and my personal mission statement to keep me honest.

9. Be compassionate with myself, I’m only human after all
   I can be very hard on myself and in turn hard on others. I need to do better giving myself a break, being kind to myself. When I am compassionate with me; I feel better and I can see the learning easier, and have renewed energy to move on. Compassion is not just for the client.

10. Look after my mind and body
    If I’m not in good shape mentally and physically then how can I be fully there for my clients? The answer is I can’t. You might be lucky to get me on a good day or unlucky to get a bad day but it needs to be a good day all the time. There is no excuse you can give your client that you are not on form for them.

1. These rules are tacked to the wall over my desk. I need to follow through on them, nothing else matters.

   Stay humble,